Miss me? I think the answer is a big 'no'

Logging back into my account and seeing all the new layouts and features (which I am not bothered to check at all) seems to be like Blogspot is telling me that I have not update this blog for a very long time...

 Why I log in and start to update this blog again? Well, I would love to say 'I don't know' but this will not be my answer and of course my reason will be simple enough:I need to voice out.

 Well, lets start with the usual format of writing a blog post (back then) by detailing parts of my schedule last week. Had my first paper of the finals last Wednesday. It was a good start and I do really hope I can score an A in that subject. Then I had my second paper on last Saturday which I do somehow felt that the lecturer is trying hard to fail the weak students.In my opinion, I felt that the questions in the final are somehow different from those in the tutorials. Just saying.Then, comes the five days break before I will face my third paper in the finals. Wasted the first day on playing games and watching anime and at that very night of the first day, I went to watch the amazing Tony Stark in his armored suit with two of my friends ( a bro and another junior which I am not really close with). Actually on that day, I tried to spend my time by revising but 'things' keep popping out of nowhere and you know, it kinda discourage me from doing any productive activities. That's pretty much of the highlights of my life in last week.

 Now, I would like to talk about the discouraging things that I faced on the day that I tried being an industrious student. First was a problem brought forward from the day before which I am really angry at myself for not doing my best in the second paper. Second is that the roof is leaking which kinda reminds me of those scenes from drama portraying people from the poor family. The third which is the worst of all and the discouraging effect it gives off is boosted by the second reason in the whole picture: quarrels in the house. I actually stopped for a few minutes finding the right words to describe the third reason. It is bad enough already having a roof leakage and to add up to the wound, the quarrels. When I was driving to pick up my friend to the cinema, he asked why do I keep visiting this new coffee shop that I have been frequenting to. He said that I have been visiting the shop a lot of times with a tone indicating that the rate I am visiting the coffee shop is not normal. I paused for a moment before I brush off the question with a joke saying that my love towards coffee has reached a level that is comparable to a drug addict. Honestly, that's the only place where I can 'hide' and study normally while enjoying a cup of good coffee. Why 'hide'? Because I am hiding myself away from my very own house. I don't really fancy staying at my home. The number of words that I used while talking in my home per day can be in the range of 50-150 words per day (I think). I don't have a suitable place to study and I don't find it to be comfortable to be here. Just to summarise things up, all I could enjoy in this house is using the desktop and making my own with the coffee maker I have just bought.

From what I understand, when you are unhappy with your life outside of your home, you could always return to home, to the side of your family to seek care and love and last but not least,home is not a place you are suppose to run away from. I can't recognise the feeling of loving and being loved by a family, I can't understand what am I supposed to do in a well functioned family, I don't know who to turn to when I am really upset and down, I don't know what I should do to keep moving forward and all I could only do now is to write this entry like a typical drama queen. I keep thinking recently, all of my friends, when they are down and need motivation to keep moving in life, where do they find that motivation? Is it within themselves or from someone else? I am really tired and and I am pretty much sure that I am a bit lost too.

 As I go on typing, my mind is pretty in disarray and I am just typing what's going through my mind:

 I am tired.
I am not feeling good.
I need to talk to someone but I don't who to talk to.
I don't know and can't remember the feeling of being loved by family.
I am confused.
I am frustrated.
 Shane Black kinda destroyed Iron Man 3.
But I still love the graphic and fighting scenes.
I don't really know what I am writing.
 I should stop writing.

 PS: As usual, every entry that is written by me in a blog will be in a very disorganised manner added with a touch of atrocious grammar and vocabulary mistakes with no exception for this entry.