Quite faraway

After all these years looking something called 'love' to ease my forlorn mind, I think I am getting farther than what I am looking for.
Maybe I should give up and look for something else that can be used as a substitute for me to divert my pathetic condition.

Just like that

Well, I just realised she just strike me out of her friend list just like that...
Am I a real jerk?

I do intend to right what's wrong between us after the breakup between us so we still can at least become friends but I have no idea things will take a turn into something bitter like this..

Just felt that I am a really pathetic guy now...

Miss me? I think the answer is a big 'no'

Logging back into my account and seeing all the new layouts and features (which I am not bothered to check at all) seems to be like Blogspot is telling me that I have not update this blog for a very long time...

 Why I log in and start to update this blog again? Well, I would love to say 'I don't know' but this will not be my answer and of course my reason will be simple enough:I need to voice out.

 Well, lets start with the usual format of writing a blog post (back then) by detailing parts of my schedule last week. Had my first paper of the finals last Wednesday. It was a good start and I do really hope I can score an A in that subject. Then I had my second paper on last Saturday which I do somehow felt that the lecturer is trying hard to fail the weak students.In my opinion, I felt that the questions in the final are somehow different from those in the tutorials. Just saying.Then, comes the five days break before I will face my third paper in the finals. Wasted the first day on playing games and watching anime and at that very night of the first day, I went to watch the amazing Tony Stark in his armored suit with two of my friends ( a bro and another junior which I am not really close with). Actually on that day, I tried to spend my time by revising but 'things' keep popping out of nowhere and you know, it kinda discourage me from doing any productive activities. That's pretty much of the highlights of my life in last week.

 Now, I would like to talk about the discouraging things that I faced on the day that I tried being an industrious student. First was a problem brought forward from the day before which I am really angry at myself for not doing my best in the second paper. Second is that the roof is leaking which kinda reminds me of those scenes from drama portraying people from the poor family. The third which is the worst of all and the discouraging effect it gives off is boosted by the second reason in the whole picture: quarrels in the house. I actually stopped for a few minutes finding the right words to describe the third reason. It is bad enough already having a roof leakage and to add up to the wound, the quarrels. When I was driving to pick up my friend to the cinema, he asked why do I keep visiting this new coffee shop that I have been frequenting to. He said that I have been visiting the shop a lot of times with a tone indicating that the rate I am visiting the coffee shop is not normal. I paused for a moment before I brush off the question with a joke saying that my love towards coffee has reached a level that is comparable to a drug addict. Honestly, that's the only place where I can 'hide' and study normally while enjoying a cup of good coffee. Why 'hide'? Because I am hiding myself away from my very own house. I don't really fancy staying at my home. The number of words that I used while talking in my home per day can be in the range of 50-150 words per day (I think). I don't have a suitable place to study and I don't find it to be comfortable to be here. Just to summarise things up, all I could enjoy in this house is using the desktop and making my own with the coffee maker I have just bought.

From what I understand, when you are unhappy with your life outside of your home, you could always return to home, to the side of your family to seek care and love and last but not least,home is not a place you are suppose to run away from. I can't recognise the feeling of loving and being loved by a family, I can't understand what am I supposed to do in a well functioned family, I don't know who to turn to when I am really upset and down, I don't know what I should do to keep moving forward and all I could only do now is to write this entry like a typical drama queen. I keep thinking recently, all of my friends, when they are down and need motivation to keep moving in life, where do they find that motivation? Is it within themselves or from someone else? I am really tired and and I am pretty much sure that I am a bit lost too.

 As I go on typing, my mind is pretty in disarray and I am just typing what's going through my mind:

 I am tired.
I am not feeling good.
I need to talk to someone but I don't who to talk to.
I don't know and can't remember the feeling of being loved by family.
I am confused.
I am frustrated.
 Shane Black kinda destroyed Iron Man 3.
But I still love the graphic and fighting scenes.
I don't really know what I am writing.
 I should stop writing.

 PS: As usual, every entry that is written by me in a blog will be in a very disorganised manner added with a touch of atrocious grammar and vocabulary mistakes with no exception for this entry.

Of truth and ignorance

Of truth and ignorance, which will you prefer? Truth varies accordingly, it maybe a form of a confirmed theory, the actual fact of an event or maybe a logical meaning. The truth I am mentioning here is those type of hurtful truths. Truth, no matter how much you wanted to change it, its' presence will never be erased as it is an entity resulting from your own actions. On the other hand, ignorance is a form of self deception. Instead of facing the truth, most of the people turn to ignorance to avoid knowing the hurtful truth. Sometimes painful yet not malicious, truth was never at the beginning to hurt you. Although so, people still do not have the courage to accept the truth. Yet, they turn to ignorance to seek comfort and as a way to avoid from being scrutinise by facts that they will face when they learn of the truth. Ignorance takes in form of avoiding, self deception and sometimes in the form of denial. However in my opinion, I felt that ignorance may be a part of accepting the truth. It is because they learn of the what truth will be, they turn to ignorance. It is because they know they will advance nowhere by just accepting the truth, they took on the route of ignorance to proceed in life. Sometimes, people turn to ignorance right after learning of the truth.

PS: I still couldn't express what is in my mind through this post... However, have
fun and sorry for the mistakes.

Pasta, pastries and past

After rotting for four days in the house, I finally had a chance to have an outing with my friends to a place called Levain Boulangerie Patisserie. It's located at No. 7 Jalan Delima, Off Jalan Imbi, 55100 Kuala Lumpur. The car parks are scarce and the the jockey car parks are really congested inside the shop compound. So, most of the customers would park outside beside the road. I didn't take any photos during this visit due to some exhaustion problem so I would describe everything in words.

They offer a variety of pastries ranging from danish, oriental curry chicken buns, anpan and even a funny octopus bun. There are still quite a lot more of choices so check it out. After selecting your pastries, you can proceed to the counter to order your side dishes, beverages and the main course. Oh yeah, the mushroom and chicken soup is recommended for first timers. I ordered a seafood aglio-olio and the taste is above average. The shop is surrounded by a garden-like environment, giving a chance for those staffs and workers in town to breakaway from their hustle and bustle in the city for a period of a lunch hour or tea break. They have their own website, www.levain.com.my but it's still under construction. So, might as well find them on Facebook.

Well, I do really enjoy my food today but seeing somebody, it's kinda hard. I should forget about that person real fast or it will be another devastating case for me.
After struggling for a year, I wouldn't want to screw everything up again. Well, the past is the best lesson for me. Now, I kinda understand the feeling of one-sided crush. What a term... == Anyway, rationality is the best here...So,forget about her..

PS: I think I just did a faux pas in front of her.

Fanatic

Dribbling slowly outside the arc, I try to look for a spot to strike. Either I drive it in or to create an opening for my teammates, I look slowly at the defensive formation but yet with an eagerness to drop a point for my team. I decided that I will drive in with a a small gap between two defenders with a crossover. Give the first defender a shake and bake and the latter one with a fast crossover, I finished it with a small layup. Seeing the ball go through the rim, I kept myself silence but on the other hand, I can feel the excitement deep in myself.

Yeap, it's nothing more but my experience from my basketball. Throughout my 5 years in the court, I've learned lots of things from this sport. The passion, tolerance, patience, humbleness, hard works,leadership... From my amateur moment, I have been teased, joked around with and even neglected. All of these experiences are inevitable for almost all the rookies out there. Step by step, I keep on training on the court and trained without any professional helps and advices. Till now, I admit I am not one of those good players but I am happy with my condition now. I can help the team to score, dishing out assists when I can't score and most of all, I am on a court where I feel belong to. Well, I still hope to be a better player in this game and of course, to be one of the notable players out there.

Another reason for me being a 'fanatic' in this sport is whenever in a game on the court, I will cast everything aside. My worries, my fears, my burden and my disappointment will be sitting on the side of the court until I step out of the court. My friends keep saying that I am a fanatic or some die-hard fans of basketball. Actually, they don't understand how basketball works for me. In almost all the games, my only aim is to score. With that only aim in my mind, this game almost acts like a 'pain killer' for me, treating me from the wound or you can say pressure, burden or disappointment ( mentioned above) from outside of the court.
Sometimes, I would really want to explain this fact to them but laziness prevails. Perhaps I am waiting for a novel approach to happen on them so they can understand the similar situation with me someday...